Apr 13, 2018

2018.4.13 발표시간 - 김주혁


Edited: Apr 16, 2018


이번 외박 가기전에 목사님께서 좋은대학교 갈필요 없다. 신앙같이하자고 말씀하셨을 때, 옛날부터 생각해왔던 건데 광주에 남으라고 말씀하시면, 목사님 말씀을 따를지 벗어날건지 생각에 많이 잡혀있었다. 목사님 말씀들으면서 많은 생각이 들었다. 광주에 남으면 육체적으로 힘들것같다는 생각했다. 한번쯤은 내 생각대로 살고 싶다는 생각을 했습니다. 그런데 엄마에게 말씀드리니까 엄마도 화순에 혼자계시고하니까 광주에 남았으면 좋겟다고 신앙했으면 좋겠다고 생각했습니다. 박옥수목사님께서 항상 행복한 이유가 성경을 대하고 신앙을해서라고 했는데, 나는 행복이 돈을 잘벌고 성공하는거라고 생각했다. 그래서 교회에서 하는 말이 잘 받아들여지지가 않았다. 그런데 하나님께서 자꾸 주변사람들을 통해서 말씀을 들려주시니까 내가 광주를 벗어나려고하는게 나를 위한건가?하는 생각이 들었다.

종종 할머니집에가서 성경펴고 이야기를 하는게, 조금씩 할머니가 변하는것도 보이고, 아빠한테도 가족이 합쳐질수있냐고 여쭈어보니꺼 언젠가 때가있다고 하셨다. 나는 많은 은혜를 입고있으면서도 은혜라고 생각하지 못했다는 생각을 했습니다. 외형적으로 잘사는 삶보다 하나님께서 이끄시고 그 속에서 지혜를 얻은 삶이 더 복되다는 생각이들었다

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